A neutron walks into a restaurant...

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes.  The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"

http://www.coolscience.org/CoolScience/CoolJokes/ChemJokes.htm

What did the gambler ...

Q. What did the gambler do with his cards?

A. He Palladium.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

Where does one put ...

Q. Where does one put the dishes?

A. In the Zinc.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

Table of Elements

Table of Elements:C = carbonHo = holmiumCo = cobaltLa = lanthanumTe = telluriumCHoCoLaTe - Better living through chemistry!

Two atoms are walking...

Two atoms are walking down the street.

Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"

The other says, "Are you sure??"

"Yes, I'm positive!"

http://www.coolscience.org/CoolScience/CoolJokes/ChemJokes.htm

If a bear in Yosemite...

Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?

A. The bear in Alaska because it`s polar.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

What is the dieter`s...

Q. What is the dieter`s element?

A. Nobelium

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

Why does hamburger ...

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

A. Because it`s in the ground state.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

What do you call a tooth ..

Q. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A. One molar solution.

How did the football...

Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.

http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/chemistryjokes.html

A neutron walks into ...

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

Chemical analysis of human...

Chemical analysis of human elementsElement name: WOMAN.Symbol: WO.Atomic weight: `Don`t even go there`.Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turnsslightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.Element: MAN.Symbol: XY.Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralised by saturating with alcohol.Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

A small piece of sodium...

A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner."Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined."It`s just a phase you`re going through", replied the Bunsen burner.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/chemistry-jokes

What is the chemical formula...

What is the chemical formula for water?Little Johnny`s teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"